Common Signs Of A Relationship & Marriage Ending

Signs Of A Relationship & Marriage Ending 

• Apathy

• Separateness

• Increasing resentment

• Disgust at your partner

• Lack of intimacy and desire and sex 

• Not sharing major life events 

• Avoiding going home

• You feel alone even when next to each other

• Comparison and fantasizing 

• You avoid spending time alone 

• You have an intuition or gut feeling

Statistic

• Unfortunately, roughly 780,000 marriages end every year for one reason or another according to the CDC Statistics on Marriage.

How To End A Relationship

1. Be honest

2. Do it in person (avoid texting or emailing)

3. Be clear and concise (avoid over explaining)

4. Don’t promise anything to the other person

How To Accept A Relationship Ending

1. Fully process all your emotions

2. Find new hobbies and habits/engage in activities

3. Reach out for support

4. Focus on what you can do and is in your control

5. Practice self compassion

6. Take as much time as you need to grieve the ending

Common Reasons Why Relationships & Marriages End

• Mental health issues

  • Especially untreated issues which can cause stress for the relationship

• Substance use and addiction

  • And underlying emotions related to the addiction

  • Sex addiction

  • Alcohol and other drugs

  • Porn addiction

  • Shopping addiction

  • Love addiction

  • Eating disorders

• Infidelity

  • Brings up unresolved and unspoken issues around:

    • Intimacy

    • Desire

    • Worthiness

    • Secrecy

    • Shame

    • Guilt

    • Anger

    • Grief

    • Disgust

    • Blame

• Betrayal of some sort 

  • Lying

  • Deception

  • Withholding information

• Not wanting to work on the issues because it requires:

  • Time

  • Effort

  • Money

  • Work (emotional, physical)

  • Practice/repetition

  • Changing the status quo (new roles/rituals will be established)

• Finding conflict and tension comfortable and okay

• Being okay with what is currently going on as a the status quo

  • Not trying to change the relationship dyanmic

• Feeling hopeless

  • Apathy

  • Indifference

• Not having the skills or tools to adjust/interrupt underlying issues

• Not having your partner’s back

  • Feeling like your partner is unsupportive and against you

  • Not protecting your partner from others’ opinions and feedback

  • Talking poorly of your partner

  • Taking another person’s side versus your partner’s

Common Statements Of Why Relationships End

• We grew apart

• We didn’t share the same values

• We share different goals

• We wanted different things

• We slowly became different people

• We don’t really do things together anymore; we have different hobbies

• We don’t agree on how to save and spend money

• We disagree often and conflicts are normal 

Does Couples Therapy Help?

• Yes, couples therapy can help if:

  • The couple (both partners) is ready and willing to engage in the process, wants to learn skills/tools, wants to decrease unhelpful behaviors

  • Wants to work on themselves in order to better the relationship

• It’s important to understand the limits of what therapy and a therapist can and cannot do.

  • Couples therapist can:

    • Provide you a third ear/perspective on what may be occurring

    • Teach you new helpful skills and tools such as communication skills and ways to calm down when overwhelmed

    • Help you learn how the past shapes the present (e.g. family, culture, upbringing)

    • Help you learn how to become more comfortable with vulnerability and expressing your needs and wants

    • Help you learn how to interrupt your cycle of conflict

  • Couples therapist cannot:

    • Tell you to break up

    • Give you unsolicited advice

    • Change your partner or their behaviors

    • Be more active, curious, and engaged in therapy than you are

    • Want you to grow and change more than you want to

• There are different types of counseling and approaches

  • Couples therapy

  • Premarital counseling

  • Discernment counseling

  • Mediation

  • Gottman

  • Emotionally Focused

  • Imago

  • Terry Real Relational Life

  • David Burns’ Feeling Good Together